“I think my teenage years started when I started doubting.” - Emma Onekekou (Burkina Faso/Côte d’Ivoire) 1/4

Emma Onekekou is a feminist from Burkina Faso & Côte d’Ivoire doing work on the human rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community. She created EmmaLInfos, a platform that amplifies the voices of queer women in francophone West Africa. 

In this interview, Emma talks about the major events that shaped her childhood and caused her to question everything, and how that questioning led to resistance (Part 2). She also tells us about how writing developed into her main form of resistance (Part 3) and the impact she is trying to achieve (Part 4).

Emma was interviewed by Françoise Moudouthe in late 2019, as part of a global project documenting girls’ resistance. The conversation was also edited into this four-part interview by Françoise. You can learn more about the series here. 

Trigger warning: this conversation contains mentions of violence and abuse which may be triggering for readers. Kindly take a moment to decide if you want to keep reading. If you do proceed, we encourage you to centre your wellbeing and stop reading at any point, as you need. 

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Emma, thank you for agreeing to talk to me about your adolescence. Let’s start by setting a little background. Tell me which place you consider your home. 

In reality, I don't consider any place my home. That's my problem. I've never felt the need to stop somewhere, to settle down, to put my bags down for good.

Did you already feel like this when you were a girl? Like you didn’t need to belong somewhere?

Yes, I did. When I was little, I needed to be with my mom all the time. To this day, even though I never pack my bags, as she says, when I'm not doing so well, I still have this need to find my mom and be with her. Even if I don't talk to her, I just want to be in a place where I know she's there with me. She's my hero, truly. Even if I don't talk to her, even if she doesn't understand my struggles, even if she doesn't understand what I'm going through, just the fact that she's there for me is...my home is my mom's arms.

That’s beautiful! And where did you grow up, and who with? 

I've moved around a lot. I've lived with a lot of different people. My mom, older sisters, grandparents, uncles and other guardians… I even lived in a shelter. I didn't have a specific place, but I think I spent most of my time in Bassam, Ivory Coast.

I've never felt the need to stop somewhere, to settle down, to put my bags down for good.

And in your girlhood and teenage life, who were the most important people, the people who brought positivity to your life?

First, there’s my mom. She is very dear to me. There is also my little sister and my brother. Later, when my daughter came around, she became a very important person in my life, too. Apart from my family, there are some friends on whom I rely a lot, like Audrey and Valérie, and also Marjorie who has been a tremendous support. 

What about those who brought conflict and negativity? Does anyone come to mind? 

Yes, there are people that come to mind. That's very specific to my family history so I can't give any details. But there were family conflicts and some of my family members messed up that period of my life with their hurtful comments. Now I don't hold a grudge, but I'm still very, very distant from my family.

Alright, so we’re going to act like you’re on camera: we always set the scene, but we widen the picture to look at what was happening around you and what was significant in your teenage years, outside of your family circle. In the neighbourhood, the country, in the world… So, what’s on the screen?

Yes, there was the Ivorian crisis. I was 15 or 16 years old when it started. It had a lasting effect on me because it opened my eyes to the phenomenon of child soldiers, wartime rape, and violence against women in general. I began to wonder why there was war in Africa, and why women and children were suffering so much.  The more I saw and the more I heard, the more questions I had.

Culturally, there is a film that marked my childhood; it is Fatou, la Malienne. This film really upset me. The violence in it, and the fact that people accepted rape as a normal thing because she was a woman… It upset me when I first saw it, and I think it was because of that movie that I started to question my own life as a woman. And later on as well, when I experienced the same violence myself, and thus faced the incomprehension of others. 

I understand. Anything else?

Yes, there is also the birth of coupé-décalé. It is a significant event for me because it came during a time of personal crisis, a time when I was partying a lot, and nightclubs. It was no longer possible for me to stay home. I had this constant need to go out, and coupé-decalé was the music that I listened to.

Let’s try to define things a bit: when I say “teen years”, what age bracket of your life comes to mind? 

I would say that this period started when I was 17 years old. I think my adolescence started when I started to have doubts, to ask questions, and to open my eyes to the world, on sexuality, on everything. And it ends around 20 years old.

What about your life before the age of 17? How was it? 

Before I was 17, I was very religious. My life revolved around church, religious instructions, and my friends. My life was like a blueprint that was drawn for me. I was told, “God said this is good and this is not good”. What was “good” I kept, and what was not “good” I would reject. I wasn't thinking for myself. I was in my family’s bubble and I saw life through their eyes, through the Catholic religion. 

I was a very laid-back girl, without any inhibitions. I was everyone's friend. I laughed at everything. I liked to go out, dance, and go to the pool with my friends. I had a normal life, but it revolved around the church. My family, my friends, my activities, all that was linked to the church. My life was the church.

What about school?

In school, I was very bright. I listened well. I was first in my class and everything - at least until I skipped 5th Grade. Then I got to 6th grade in an environment that I didn't understand. My grades started to drop. I repeated 7th Grade. People started to criticize me, and I started to shut down, to distance myself from my loved ones. I got to the eighth grade when I was 17 and that's when everything exploded. I started thinking for myself, thinking about what I wanted and what I saw around me. 17 was the age of questioning.

What brought up these questions? 

Well, that's where it gets a little tough, huh...I was raped for the first time when I was 17. It was difficult because I didn't understand what rape was. I was looking for my part of responsibility in what had happened. All I know is that I was very afraid of this boy. I started to develop intense fears. I will say that I shut down. I no longer felt the need to talk to others, but rather to talk to myself, to keep everything to myself. I turned to drinking, smoking, going to nightclubs. Acting crazy, partying. 

And in a need to heal me from everything I'd been through, I went back to the Evangelical Church that I'd discovered earlier, and I felt the need to make the transition, to change my religion. It became a big crisis within my family. It was catastrophic.

I wasn't thinking for myself. I was in my family’s bubble and I saw life through their eyes, through the Catholic religion.

I’m sorry that you had to go through all of this. It’s unbelievably violent to discover sexuality through rape. And I understand now why your 17th year is such an important one in your story. 

It was a truly overwhelming year because at the same time I was getting to know sexuality, I was changing my religion, I was starting to drink  alcohol... and at the same time, my sexual orientation was starting to weigh on me a lot more than it had before. I didn't discover it - actually, I discovered my sexual orientation very early on. I knew I liked girls, but until then I didn't accept it. I knew it wasn't “good”, that's what the church and everyone said. I told myself I was going to brush it off and move on. But when I was 17, it started to weigh on me.

I see…so 17 was a major year. 

At 17, I truly went through my crisis. Everything changed. All these things suddenly were part of me. All my questions gathered in my head at the same time. Questions about my sexuality, my faith, my relationship with my friends, my relationship with alcohol, the way I dressed...lots and lots of topics.

Emma will tell us more about the impact these questions had on her in Part 2 of our conversation. Click here to read.