"Whoever you are, you can make a contribution" – Kavinya Makau (Kenya) – 3/3

This is the final part of my interview with Kavinya Makau, a fierce Kenyan feminist who I’m proud to call my friend. I hope you didn’t miss the first part, in which Kavinya narrated her journey to feminism, or the second part, which is filled with great insights about how one can embody their feminist values in their daily lives. Here, we discuss feminist impostor’s syndrome and self-care.

[Just so you know: I am using “womxn” as a more inclusive alternative spelling of "woman"/"women", which includes trans and nonbinary folks. Also, this interview was edited for clarity and brevity.]

You just explained how important it is to get more people to join the feminist movement. Can you tell me how you go or have gone about doing it?

I’m going to tell you about the East Africa Young Women Leadership and Mentoring Initiative (EAYLMI), which is led by Akili Dada. I’ve been engaging with this initiative as a mentor. The initiative reaches out to young women who are in the nascent stages of their journey as feminists or are trying to figure things out just as I was 14 years ago. It’s all about mentoring the current and next generation of African feminist leaders. It’s about building a strong movement and ensuring continuity in tangible ways.

Young women have come up to me and said that there are people in the African feminist movement they look up to and who seem so accomplished and they’re like “Eh! can I even aspire to be like them? Can I reach their level?” Walking the journey of feminist consciousness-raising with young women from Kenya and Tanzania has been incredible. EAYLMI has been one of the most fulfilling things that I have done so far.

Sounds amazing. What you’re saying takes me back to when I met you – about ten years ago, I think. I was completely green! Meeting you and the many other feminists I was lucky to work with was inspiring but also intimidating, you know? You were all so powerful and unapologetic, I never thought I could be one of you. I am sure many young feminists you work with feel the same, as do many who will read this interview. What advice would you give them?

I've had variations of those conversations, and I’ve also experienced my own fear around that. Let me backtrack a bit. I told you earlier about my introduction to African feminism. You can imagine what it was like for young, inexperienced Kavinya to engage with feminist thought leaders from all over the African continent.  In the nascent stages of my feminist journey, I met people who were and continue to be supportive. Others were dismissive because I didn’t know much and there were interactions that left me wondering whether my contributions would ever be worthwhile. I had to reflect. Ultimately, I overcame that and developed a sense of clarity in my identity as an African feminist and that’s the woman you met. 

When people talk about the feminist space on the continent, there are certain names and personalities that are traditionally associated with it – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But there also seems to be this idea that some of us are more feminist than others, more African feminist than others. That can get some sisters to either feel – or be told – that they don’t measure up; to feel – or to have been excluded. And that can affect you so deeply that you may think African feminism is not for you, or that it belongs to other people.

I have actually heard that a lot from Eyala readers.

I know and understand the sentiment well. I know what it’s like to be othered and to think person X has accomplished more and to ask ‘can I measure up?’ Even when your contribution is validated in some ways, you keep questioning yourself. There is this voice inside of you that goes “ok, people are saying I'm great. Am I really making any impact?

Feminist impostor syndrome is real! So, what’s your advice?

Number one: ask yourself why you use a feminist lens in your activism and work. Are you doing it primarily for accolades? Or are you doing it to challenge the norms, systems and structures that continue to oppress girls and womxn? Ask yourself, am I an African feminist because I want somebody to see and validate that I am one , or is it about what I believe, what I practice and how I intentionally live my life? That will take you back to the fundamental basis of what being a feminist is all about.

What is significant to me is why you're doing what you’re doing, and how you're doing it – not the headlines you’ll make or the accolades you will receive. You might never get nominated or win awards; you may never be in a publication. Focus and live by your purpose. When I do that, I find it becomes easier to deal with impostor syndrome.

Photo by Sydney Rae on Unsplash

That’s great advice. What about number two?

Number two is: The journey that you are on is not about being or becoming somebody else. Whoever you are, you can make a contribution. Just do what you can where you are. Be your own person.

And there are no small contributions! The battle again patriarchy is such a huge endeavor… Every little bit counts. What you're saying reminds me of this chapter in Luvvie Ajayi’s I’m judging you. The chapter was entitled “Nobody wins at the Feminism Olympics.”

Absolutely. I am not saying it’s not important for us to look up our mentors and forebearers who’ve done phenomenal things. Think of the Nigerian women during the colonial times who decided “this is no longer working for us” and began to agitate for change. Think of our grandmothers, our great-great-grandmothers, who did mind-blowing things. We may not have had the African Feminist Charter then, but when you look at some of the things that have been done by women who espoused the values and advanced the same things that we're trying to do right now, you realize how important it is to celebrate those that have gone before us. What we should do is celebrate them, not use our admiration as a limitation.

Thank you so much, that’s brilliant guidance. Before we part ways, I wanted to come back to something you said earlier in our conversation about the exhaustion that comes with fighting patriarchy. Truth is, I don't know a single feminist who has not felt exhausted or burnt out at some point. How do you refuel? How do you approach self-care?

Five years ago I burnt-out and that is when I seriously began to prioritize self-care and wellness. Self-care is self-love. I am learning to choose myself every day, unconditionally, in big and small ways. I am learning to say no more often. I am taking the time to be still and think. Amidst the chaos, I am choosing to focus on things and people that make me happy and centered. Some of the things I do to re-energize is taking five minutes to an hour to just stop and reflect on things that have absolutely nothing to do with work, including what I am grateful for.

Self-care is self-love. I am learning to choose myself every day, unconditionally, in big and small ways.

I am immersing myself in African literary work. Since 2014, I have deliberately been reading more African women writers or women of African descent. My favorite genre is fiction. It allows me to travel to other worlds and imagine other realities. And I’m carving out time for meaningful engagement with family including spending time with my niece and nephew who I absolutely adore and give me much needed perspective.

My last question for you, Kavinya, is: what is your feminist life motto?

It’s not a feminist life motto per se. I recently read Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls by Mona Eltahawy with the Afrifem Book Club we started earlier this year. (Shout out to you and the other members of our book club: Nebila Abdulmelik, Nadia Ahidjo, Flavia Mwangovya, Faten Aggad-Clerx, Yvette Kathurima-Muhia and Muthoni Muriithi). 

A quote from the book that resonates when I reflect on how patriarchy shows up and is expressed so audaciously is “We need a feminism that is  robust, aggressive, and unapologetic; a feminism that defies, disobeys and disrupts patriarchy, not one that collaborates with, coddles and complies with it.”

Whew! My heart is full. Thanks Kavinya for your thought-provoking insights and inspiring advice. And thank you for being a loving and supportive friend to me and many other feminist sisters. You are simply amazing!

Join the conversation!

Have you ever experienced feminist impostor’s syndrome? Let us know in the comments below, or let’s chat on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram @EyalaBlog.

Want to connect with Kavinya? Follow her on Twitter @kaviemakau.